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Welcome to the November issue of the Normal Eating newsletter, Something to Think About....
We're heading into the annual food fest of the holiday season - especially close in the US, with
Thanksgiving just a week away. Many people worry about losing control of their eating over the holidays. Even people who are usually committed to the non-diet approach may have
diet thoughts born of fear at this time - "Maybe I'll just diet for the next month, and then go back
to Normal Eating afterwards."
In this newsletter I'll focus on a topic suggested by a Normal Eating Support Group member that's particular relevant during the holiday season: "Diet Mentality". The importance of this topic during the holiday season was eloquently expressed in a recent post:
I have often found myself passing up food that I really wanted to taste because
it was different - like at a party or a restaurant and then down the road somewhere
pigging out on food that was not really anything special. One year I went through
the holidays being a "good little ww girl" and then blew it after the season was
over on things like oreos. I too am a perfectionist in many areas - all or nothing.
I want to get through this holiday season feeling treated not abused.
In the first part of the newsletter I'll talk about the diet mentality, and why it can be especially
self-defeating at holiday time. Then, as always, I'll give you "Something to try..." - suggestions for how you can enjoy the holiday season and
its special foods without gaining massive amounts of weight in the process.
There will be a moderated discussion of the "Something to try..."
suggestions in the forum following publication of the newsletter.
To participate in the pre-publication discussions or the workshops
that follow, click here
for information on Normal Eating Support Group membership.
Sheryl Canter
Author and Moderator, www.NormalEating.com
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Question: What is the surest way to lose all control over yourself during
the holiday season and gain massive amounts of weight?
Answer: The diet mentality - attempting to control your eating through externally
imposed rules and self-deprivation
Dieting means eating according to externally derived rules that are independent of what you want or need. People
turn to external rules because they don't feel they have the ability to make
reasonable choices on their own. A few thousand episodes of not having control
in the past will tend to reinforce this lack of self-trust, but in fact you can
relearn natural, internal control of your eating if you approach it in the right way.
It's not that you can't get there, it's that you don't know how to get there.
People don't eat compulsively because they lack self-control. People eat compulsively to
soothe and distract themselves from the pain of unmet needs. Thus the solution to isn't to
whip yourself into good behavior and apply external constraints. The solution is to
learn true self-care so you no longer need food bandaides. The Normal Eating method and tools are very
effective in helping people learn to do this so compulsive urges fade away.
The holidays tend to spark overeating for two reasons:
- Lots of especially delicious foods that you don't often get to eat.
- Heightened awareness of and/or exposure to difficult family situations.
Dieting has only a 1% long-term success rate in the best of circumstances, but there
is no time of year that you have less chance of succeeding
with a diet than holiday time. And when you fail, the self-condemnation will lead you
to eat even more. These are some of the examples of "diet mentality" that members posted
in the pre-newsletter discussion in the forum:
- I ate more than I planned so I may as well pig out. I'll start watching again on Monday.
- I have to weigh in tomorrow, so I'd better not eat too much tonight.
- If I didn't weigh in every week, I would really put on the weight.
- If I eat this for lunch, I can't eat anything else for the rest of the day.
- I'll have a cup of coffee or tea to take the hunger away.
- I'd better be good this week. I'm paying good money for this program.
- I've had a slice of pizza, so I might as well finish it the whole pie.
- It's okay if I keep eating this food, even though I'm full, because it's healthy.
- I've been good all day, so I can have what I really want now.
- I've not eaten any chocolate today; I must continue to be good and not have even a taste!
- I am not going to buy any new clothes until I lose x pounds.
- If I wear something snug, maybe I won't eat so much today.
- I was really bad today, so today is hopeless. I'll be good starting tomorrow.
- I should just take a diet pill so I don't want to eat.
- I shouldn't bring trigger foods into the house, or if I do, not leave them out where I can see them.
- When I'm in diet mode, I continually berate myself about what I am or am not eating.
- I endlessly weigh up points or calories in my head, whether I want to or not - can't stop.
- I'm always calculating... if I lose such and such a day, then I'll be x pounds down by this or that date.
- I constantly think about food - like I'm starving or something!
I'm sure many of these thoughts are familiar to you. Note the three primary themes:
- You cannot trust yourself.
- Your authentic needs are of no importance - even true physical hunger does not
give you the right to eat.
- If you are less than perfect, you are terrible and you've failed.
These "diet mentality" attitudes are the underlying reasons behind compulsive eating!
Normal Eating requires that you trust yourself, honor your authentic needs, and accept your
areas of struggle with compassion rather than condemnation. Anything you do that undermines
this will keep you stuck in the compulsive cycle.
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If you're
just starting with Normal Eating, you probably will overeat at times over the holidays, but if you beat yourself up for it or try
to deprive yourself of holiday treats, you'll just overeat more. Here are some things
you can do that will help:
Resist Diet Mentality - You don't need someone or something outside of you to keep
you from eating - don't put yourself down by telling yourself that you do. Even if you
haven't yet learned the skills to redirect the compulsive eating urges, you will do better
by treating yourself with respect and compassion. There is no greater trigger for compulsive eating than self-condemnation, or attempting to punish yourself for bad behavior. Being fat does not take away your
right to eat certain foods, or any other right. Enjoy the treats, turn off the "shoulds",
and don't call yourself names. You'll be amazed at how just these simple steps can make
a difference.
Set Boundaries - The Diet Mentality is all around us, and if you're significantly
overweight, you probably have well-meaning but misguided friends and relatives who try to give you advice.
This is a boundary violation and it's disrespesctful. Your body and what you eat are nobody's
business but your own. Uninvited personal comments are invasive. You are not
accountable to anyone but yourself for what you eat, and you don't own anyone an explanation for what you're eating or why. You have the right to say, "I understand that you're
concerned, but this is my own personal business and I don't want to discuss it. Thank you
for respecting that." Don't put yourself in a position of defending the non-diet approach
when you're vulnerable and just learning.
Aim for progress, not perfection - If you aim for perfection, you will fail because
you're human and no human can achieve perfection. You don't need to be perfect to be
acceptable and deserving of love and the good things in life. If you did better today than you did yesterday,
celebrate the improvement; don't focus on where you failed. Feeling like a failure leads
directly to compulsive eating, so beware of setting unreasonable goals that set you up to
fail, like resolving to eat no desserts, or never eat past full.
There will be a moderated discussion of the issues and exercises in this newsletter in the
Newsletter board of the
Normal Eating Support Forum.
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Copyright © 2005 Permutations Software, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
"Normal Eating" is a trademark of Permutations Software, Inc.
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